Notebook Archives

If Bond was a woman, then:

• Rather than self-destructing messages, she’d have edible chocolate ones. “This message is crafted out of low-cal chocolate and must be eaten immediately.” Tough job, but someone’s got to do it.
• To hell with those bulky gadgets, they’ll only slow her down. Her handy mail file, hair dryer and compact will do most of the dirty work.
• Cut out the excessive violence, please. She’ll simply invite the villain over for a slumber party and then get him/her to spill the secrets over a batch of margaritas.
• The movies will have hot Bond boys for a change. They will wear teeny tiny briefs and emerge out of the ocean/restaurant/closet wet. We’ll also have new innovative ways to keep them permanently drenched.